what’s the point of being the ACC of a committee when the sacrifices i make are so huge at times but when things happen, nobody, NOBODY gives a fuck, YOU ARE NOT EMPHATIZED with ALL THE FUCKING TIME. your friends ask you why did you join, are you stupid? you got alot of time? i join because i was asked and i actually feel appreciated, so appreciated, i admit, i’m honored, but i’m appreciated by VANI by FELIX by JIAHUI by SA’AD (HE’S AN AWESOME GUY) by JUNJIE (ANOTHER AWESOME GUY).. am i really appreciated by others? am i taken for granted?

I put in time and effort for this role, my subcomm head role, i didn’t want that post, i wanted a year 2 to take over that position. but when im pushing at the back, am i even recognized? am i appreciated? sure, i’m appreciated by my fellow maincomms, i tried to change how things work around here in my AY, it’s real good, but am i giving in too much? now when the year 3s give suggestions, they find us a bother, they express disapproval like we’re here to pressure them, show authority and a chore for them. i kept it in, all the time. I try my best all this time not to show it, to let them try, did i do good? i hope so.

How i wished i can clone myself, do a good job for all this leader stuff and my studies, make time for my friends, if they are that is, and make time for my girlfriend. i miss my secondary school brothers, sometimes i wish i was just fooling around with them, stealing stuff, threatening people, fucking up others lives, thrasing about, fight to vent than these toned down life, yes i’m used to it, it’s worth it for the future, but fuck this people i wish i could just beat to the ground.

Is it worth having “friends” who fuck you about and just needs you when time comes? “hey yingyao, can i use the fridge in the loft?” i am best remembered for this.

Things are best kept in my heart, but somethings i type to vent, and this is what happens, hahahaha, these secrets i keep, this post is one of them.

Nobody knows all these, i hide it inside.